In 5years since Ms. Adams packed and emptied my house, I have never paid attention to any of the issues she’d leveled against me save in court. And it has been so for good reason – the respect I have for my my kids, family and community. Secondly, I have never been bothered because if she can hate her own father enough not to want him at her wedding, if she can hate the man who gave birth to her and named her, enough not to attend his his funeral when he passed away, peddling falsehood against me shouldn’t be anything.
However, her latest attempt to link her issues with the most unfortunate abuse of #Lilian Dedjoe by her husband, which reportedly led to Lilian’s untimely death can’t pass without a rebuttal. I got tagged and trolled by all manner of characters over her latest meltdown.
Integrity is not sold on the market, and lies told too many times tend to be believable.
For five or so years now, she has seized every opportunity from unsuspecting and gullible journalists and bloggers to abuse me in mainstream and on social media. I’ve been trolled and called all manner of things by cowards hiding behind phones and computers. It’s never bothered me one bit. I have a tough skin.
My political opponents from the same party in my constituency even used the lies she had peddled against me to disparage me in the most unimaginable manner. The effects of such barrage of psychological abuse on anyone’s mental health is unimaginable, if the person is not as blessed as I am, with a strong mind and will, it will drive them off the rails.
Just as I did in my response to her frivolous and poorly written petition that saw no light of day in court under strict proof, let me for the first time publicly, say that I have never physically, financially or emotionally abused her. One of her claims was that I was financially abusing her. I find her pathetic attempts to drag my name into her “man-hating” rants very unfortunate, especially when there are two beautiful kids between us.
When someone hates their father enough not to attend his funeral, one should know that such a person has had problems with emotional stability and needs help. May God rest his soul. Amen.
Genesis of the relationship
The first time I met Ms. Adams was during the funeral of the late President Mills. I was a member of the Funeral Planning committee and she wanted an interview for Metro TV which I declined.
My second encounter with her was the evening of 1st January 2013 at an event organized by my political party to celebrate the 2012 electoral victory at Osu Oxford Street in Accra, which I attended, in the company of my good friend, the Greater Accra regional Chairman of my party.
Again, she requested an interview. I insisted she spoke to Chairman Ade instead. I had lost the 2012 elections in Ablekuma North and wanted a hiatus.
Later that night, she came back, requested a lift back to Metro TV, claiming her company car was late in picking her and the crew up. She later confessed she couldn’t stand my turning her requests for interviews down when literally politicians were falling over each other to have her interview them. Frankly, I wasn’t moved. It has to take more than just looks to get me interested if that’s how she was getting interviews, poor her.
Anyway, we exchanged contacts and started talking about issues of mutual interest. Three days later, we began seeing each other frequently for lunch and dinners.
By end of February 2013, she had gotten pregnant. (a part of the story I’m not proud about).
She delivered our first child together later that year. Three months before her delivery, she had quit Metro TV citing “ill treatment” meted out to her by her superiors. She had also moved in with me as the pregnancy got heavier.
When I encouraged her to return after delivery she refused claiming the job was not financially satisfying.
From the very onset we had issues and disagreements on just about everything. Initially I attributed her fussing to the throes that come with pregnancy. But it got ridiculously worse with time.
She had her strengths – good sense of humor, loved to read (and we could spend all day reading and sharing notes), loved comedy as I did, the sex was ok, the cooking was fantastic.
Issues on values
But something was off. We had serous issues – issues that bordered on values. For example, she won’t talk to her own father, got mad at me for insisting he stayed when he attended our wedding. (apparently he’d come uninvited). His crime, according to her, was that he’d abandoned her and her mother. Reason enough not to have him at your wedding and attend his funeral when he passed? I doubt but she’s entitled to the Western values that she holds dear.
In spite of the fact that we had a baby together, marriage was the last thing on my mind as the differences were just too wide and I had wanted to be sure it was the right decision.
Fact is, in spite of my imperfections, I am a proud Muslim, she’s not. There’s no compulsion in religion. I’m a proud African who believes Africans shouldn’t be wearing hair from people of other races as that was no different from bleaching to look fairer than one’s natural skin colour. She wanted to wear Brazilian hair or whatever they called it as a symbol of beauty. I couldn’t force her to accept to pray five times daily or not to wear those unnatural hair from other races.
She even had “Portia” as one of her names before I met her. Such was how low her self-esteem was, as a child born and bred in the Zongos of Kumasi to a Muslim Gonja man from Kpembe and a Muslim Sisala woman from Tumu.
The question on my mind was whether – I wanted to be married to someone who regarded family as only her mother, husband, child and to a small degree one or two step-siblings?
In spite of these doubts, and with encouragements from friends and some family, we eventually got married in 2014, five months after she’d delivered. I flew her and our daughter for her first ever trip to Europe for two weeks in Germany.
After we got married, I put in my best efforts to make it work. I believe she also did. We had disagreements just like any other couple but it never culminated in physical abuse as claimed severally by her. But even when it got very heated, we resolved our differences amicably without any third party hearing about us.
She wanted four children and immediately after each other. I didn’t mind four but wanted it to be linked to income. I love children, but this is not our grandparents’ generation where one can have many children without thinking about the quality of their lives and time parents had to spend with them.
Point of disagreement
One of the biggest points of disagreements – which she brought up regularly, was why I refused to yield to her demands to sack my secretary. Yes. She insisted I sacked my personal secretary so I could hire her my wife as my secretary. (So much for a women’s Right champion, aye)?
The request was so preposterous I couldn’t wrap my “good-governance” and socialist head around it. Nepotism 101. The shame and embarrassment I would have brought to myself, family, party and country, – that I sacked a poor civil servant and made my wife my PS. I couldn’t let myself and my president down. We were under siege by our government’s critics over all manner of things.
Then she kept harping on about taking her on government trips abroad, how other politicians according to her were doing it, and she would often remind me how so and so big politician takes the partner on trips abroad or bought so and so material things for their spouse. She berated me but I took it in my stride. All I have is my integrity and wasn’t going to throw it away after gaining notoriety for preaching good governance and fighting abuse of office.
I tried to keep her busy. Got her to enroll at GIJ, where she attended for a few months and abandoned school. I called in a favour from an Ambassador friend of mine and got her into Spanish classes.
When a friend of mine set up a tv station in Accra, I got her hired as news editor. She left within 3months. Then another friend gave her a job at his company in Kanda, again, she did it for a few months and left unceremoniously.
Claims that I starved her are as ridiculous as can be. While I was busy campaigning, I made sure she was ok. As a matter of fact, a month to election, I sent her money enough to last her and the household 8months. Though I knew I was winning, I wanted to be sure they were alright.
With my modest public servant salary and allowances, she had monthly financial allowance during our period together and a weekly home maintenance allowance for the entire period.
When we travelled abroad, we flew business class. She had a Nissan Armada v8, (a car I bought long before I went into government) placed at her disposal for her use. Her younger brother lived in our matrimonial home, and all expenses were paid by me. Even her mother, the grandmother of our two daughters, received payments for baby siting her own grandchildren (our daughters).
Throughout our marriage, she refused to allow my relatives visit, let alone enjoy short and brief stays, even though she’d brought her uterine brother and later her mother to come live with us as she approached the due date for her second delivery.
Can anyone tell me which responsible public official would allow his wife to use his official vehicle whenever he’s abroad (I was a CEO then). I discovered that each time I was away, she would abandon her vehicle, and use my official vehicle, causing me embarrassment, though I was the boss, it wasn’t a conduct I was going to encourage as a public official.
This is someone who completely packed everything out of our matrimonial home, two months to my election, while I was away in the constituency. I made a report to the Nmai Dzorn police when I returned to Accra after the 2016 elections, just to take stock and for witnessing purposes. And invited at least two family friends to come witness what she’d done.
This is someone who wanted to sleep in a hotel and not in my family house when she visit Tamale for my campaign launch. She flew into Tamale on the afternoon of the launch and left with the first flight the next day. Apparently in a hurry to return to Accra to pack out, without my knowledge. So much for a supportive wife, aye?
And guess what! When she packed out, she didn’t even leave a bowl or glass for drinking water not to talk of a blanket. I returned to Accra on 10th December 2016 to meet a completely empty house. My neighbors said they thought we were moving out of the area, judging by the way the’d striped and taken things out.
And for four months, the only time I saw my daughters was when I appeared in court. They won’t even tell me where she’d taken the kids. I didn’t even know where my kids were.
She’s disrupted the lives of the kids. In about five years, they’ve changed 4 schools, In spite of the fact that she doesn’t even consult me before making changes, I still pay my children’s fees, hospital and other expenses. Yet she would come on social media, rant for attention and make false claims of how she’s breaking her back to pay fees.
I just recently told her we would split the cost of any school fees that is more than $1000 usd per child per term. From Canadian International, Brainy Barn, Dolly Memorial, Victoria Grammar or Maarif International, they would tell you how rudely she speaks to people as if she owns them.
Rasheeda is the last person to talk about abuse. Go to anywhere she’s ever lived or worked, they would tell you how she treats people lower the ladder. Someone who wanted another woman sacked because her husband was the boss? Just like that. Such corrupt mentality.
Someone who ignorantly trashes and disrespects doctors and nurses at Korlebu where she delivered our eldest daughter and had a VVIP bed and treatment. When I drove her to Korlebu, while she was in labour, she didn’t even have a referral. It took the intervention of a very kind Minister of Health I had called, who got in touch with the CEO to assist and by the time I arrived at Korlebu, there was already a bed with the CEO and later the Minister herself, passing by to be sure she’s alright. It was the first time in my life I saw the stark reality of the challenges patients face in our big hospitals. Yet, she comes to the media and peddle falsehood and get away with it. If she wouldn’t thank the then Minister, then CEO and doctors and nurses, who created room and gave their best, while other mothers laboured without special treatment, she shouldn’t denigrate them.
With three months to election when she delivered our second baby in a private hospital, instead of Ridge where I had made arrangements with some doctor friends for all the medical help she needed, she went ahead and checked into a private hospital. I suspended the campaign for three weeks, got to Accra and spent time by her side in the hospital. And was at the theater for the entire period she had Caesarian. Yet she would come on social media ranting as if she’d been abandoned. Heartlessness is not in my DNA.
Besides, the point about having her mother move in with us in Accra and paying her for babysitting, plus domestic house help, was so I could work a little, spend time with family a little and campaign a little.
My record of walking the talk, when it comes to championing for opportunities for women is public record and available for all to see in parliamentary Hansard – be it arguing for creating equal opportunity at the top of the political ladder, increasing women representation in parliament or calling for more funding for shelters for abused women, closing the witches camps and retooling the police to go after partners who abused their spouses.
The likes of Ms. Adams would rant on social media to court attention, and feed their egos. In any case, if she claims I was protected because I was an MP, what stops her from pursuing justice now that I’m out of parliament? What stopped her from reporting a so-called abusive behavior to the elders or going to the police? With a mouth as acerbic as hers, that should never have been difficult. As a reporter, she knew her rights and knew what she ought to have done under the the circumstances. You don’t look at the lives of other politicians, and assume, every politician is without scruples and can dip their hands into state coffers for their family. And when you don’t get it, start ranting about being abused.
Has she ever gone to a hospital with a bruise, a cut or even a scratch? It’s all lies. Let her not fool you with the acting. The same ignorant bitterness and anger she exhibited towards her father is is what she sought to exhibit towards me and I stood my ground.
Fixation on bank details and courts
Which “correct woman” would ask her husband to release his pin codes and bank details in the event he dies? Only Rasheeda Adams. If she wants to be exposed for the phony manipulator that she is, let her continue on that trajectory of dragging my name in the mud.
Why did she run away from returning to court when it was made clear to her that she would be subjected to strict proof? Did her incompetent lawyer not explain to her the wheels of justice may grind slowly but will eventually catch up with lawbreakers; and if she truly believed she had a case, should pursue justice? Was she not the one who run to me she was tired and needed out of court settlement?
That the courts frustrated her? Blimey, courts are there to serve justice, not to pander to the whims of a pompous little prat who thinks love is when a man falls flat on the ground for her to step on; that love is when a man spends more than he earns on his woman.
From a woman who was so fixated with my bank details and pin codes at a time I was busy fighting to win an election, I ordinarily would have treated her with the contempt she deserves, but for the red line she crossed in attempting to say she suffered what #Lilian most unfortunately suffered in the hands of her husband.
I condemn and abhor abuse in all forms. But the likes of Ms. Adams should be the last talking about being abused because she’s never been through what abused women go through.